{"id":26550,"date":"2026-02-18T09:40:31","date_gmt":"2026-02-18T14:40:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/co2mannatoday.com\/?p=26550"},"modified":"2026-02-18T10:13:49","modified_gmt":"2026-02-18T15:13:49","slug":"26550","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/co2mannatoday.com\/?p=26550","title":{"rendered":""},"content":{"rendered":"\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"Audrey Assad - Abide With Me (Lyrics)\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/_7rrg_jP-Hc?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Healing in the Desert<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Wednesday, February 18, 2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Ash Wednesday<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>CAC guest faculty member Belden Lane recalls a recent experience of finding healing in the desert:&nbsp;<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>My latest, most difficult path of descent, or journey into fierce landscapes, in these closing years of my life has had to do with the death of my son. Three years ago, John died of acute myeloid leukemia, one of the deadliest forms of cancer. He was 41, leaving behind his wife and a four-year-old daughter. After months and months of chemo, we had been assured that he was cancer-free. He\u2019d rung the bell at the hospital, returned home, gone back to work, but two months later, the cancer returned and he was dead within a week.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Lane went to the desert, hoping to connect with John and in some way relieve the suffering he imagined John was experiencing at having his life cut short.&nbsp;<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A year and a half into my grieving, I worried a lot about John. Putting myself in his place, I knew that I\u2019d be angry as hell\u2026.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I undertook a six-day vision quest in the red rock canyons near Ghost Ranch with a few brothers from&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/email.cac.org\/t\/d-l-gdisdy-dkgktyktu-j\/\">Illuman<\/a>, hoping I could finally set John free from his anguish. But on the first night there, I fell apart sobbing against a canyon wall. I realized it wasn\u2019t John who was arguing and cursing his way through some kind of purgatory; it was me. I hadn\u2019t come to release John. John would have to come to release me\u2026.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>By the time I got to the fourth and last night of fasting, I was expecting or at least hoping for some big encounter. That\u2019s what you expect to get at the end of a vision quest. But as I waited for the long night, nothing came.<strong> I gave up hope of anything dramatic, which is perfect, of course.<\/strong> As I sat there, my mind wandered back to the hospital room on the night of John\u2019s death. The end had come at three o\u2019clock in the morning when he finally stopped breathing. I\u2019d wanted to stay with him for the rest of the night. I hated the thought of strangers putting my son on a tray and wheeling him away into the morgue alone. I knew I should have stayed there until dawn, but \u2026 we were all exhausted. We went home.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And then it struck me.\u2026 On the ridge I could still do this. I might be over a year late, but I could still be faithful, waiting alongside John\u2019s body, not turning away from his death. So that\u2019s what I did, staying awake through the rest of the night, keeping vigil with John. Within an hour or so, I noticed \u2026 a full moon was rising over the ridge behind me, casting a soft slate gray light on the mesa\u2019s rim, going down the mesa as the moon rose behind me. It was cold and death-like but beautiful, like the paleness of my son\u2019s body drained of life as I was able to sit with him.<strong> It was also for me, at the time, the body of Christ, as it were. John, Jesus had come to assure me with [the mystic] Julian of Norwich, was fine. He was more than fine\u2026.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I was blown away that night. The desert had come for me again, been there for me, the place where God has come so often in my life. I struggle with John\u2019s loss to this day, but in the deepest place of my soul, <strong>I\u2019m at peace knowing that this most recent path of descent in the desert has only carried me deeper once again into love. Amen.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>=======================<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">INSPIRATION<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p><em>It is my Lent to break my Lent,<br>To eat when I would fast,<br>To know when slender strength is spent,<br>Take shelter from the blast<br>When I would run with wind and rain,<br>To sleep when I would watch.<br>It is my Lent to smile at pain<br>But not ignore its touch.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>It is my Lent to listen well<br>When I would be alone,<br>To talk when I would rather dwell<br>In silence, turn from none<br>Who call on me, to try to see<br>That what is truly meant <br>Is not my choice. If Christ\u2019s I\u2019d be<br>It\u2019s thus I\u2019ll keep my Lent.<\/em><br><strong>\u2014 Madeleine L\u2019Engle, \u201cFor Lent, 1966\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>================<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Individual Contemplation Question:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Where in your own grief or struggle have you been more focused on releasing someone else \u2014 or fixing someone else&#8217;s pain \u2014 only to discover that&nbsp;<em>you<\/em>&nbsp;were the one who needed to be released? What does that reversal feel like?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Group Contemplation Question:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>L&#8217;Engle says &#8220;It is my Lent to break my Lent&#8221; \u2014 to surrender the spiritual practice&nbsp;<em>you<\/em>&nbsp;would choose for the one that love actually requires. Where is your community, your relationships, or this season asking you to stay present in a way that costs you something? What would it mean to call that your Lent?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Healing in the Desert Wednesday, February 18, 2026 Ash Wednesday CAC guest faculty member Belden Lane recalls a recent experience of finding healing in the desert:&nbsp; My latest, most difficult path of descent, or journey into fierce landscapes, in these closing years of my life has had to do with the death of my son. [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/co2mannatoday.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26550"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/co2mannatoday.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/co2mannatoday.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/co2mannatoday.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/co2mannatoday.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=26550"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"http:\/\/co2mannatoday.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26550\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":26559,"href":"http:\/\/co2mannatoday.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26550\/revisions\/26559"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/co2mannatoday.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=26550"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/co2mannatoday.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=26550"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/co2mannatoday.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=26550"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}