When I have stubbornly doubted? (see John 20:24-29). Have I been doubting something about Jesus— maybe an experience to which others testify, but which I have not yet experienced? The other disciples said to Thomas, “We have seen the Lord” (John 20:25). But Thomas doubted, saying, “Unless I see…I will not believe” (John 20:25). Thomas needed the personal touch of Jesus. When His touches will come we never know, but when they do come they are indescribably precious. “Thomas…said to Him, ‘My Lord and my God!’ ” (John 20:28).

When I have selfishly denied Him? (see John 21:15-17). Peter denied Jesus Christ with oaths and curses (see Matthew 26:69-75), and yet after His resurrection Jesus appeared to Peter alone. Jesus restored Peter in private, and then He restored him publicly before the others. And Peter said to Him, “Lord…You know that I love You” (John 21:17).

Do I have a personal history with Jesus Christ? The one true sign of discipleship is intimate oneness with Him— a knowledge of Jesus that nothing can shake.

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August 16 2017

Journal Entry for Today-JDV

Lord, it has been a while since I reached out to you via a journal entry. You led David and I to begin a study of Richard Rohr and his colleagues, David flew to Albuquerque for a three day session and we settled in to study, pray and discuss the ways to get and stay connected to you. Then we learned that we do not have to stay connected all the time and that You do not stop loving us just because we are who and what we are; flawed humans.

It seems like the pressure is off. There is no need to try to “be better” or to “overcome that habit or failure”. Sin management and more striving to be a better person and or Christian are no longer a topic for review with You. You are love in the most comprehensive and imaginable way. The way of Your love includes overwhelming acceptance, grace and growth that can only come from You. And if there is to be  change in us, You will handle all of that from the inside out.

And God says…..”Jesus is the way, the truth and the life. When you focus on Jesus, and take the time to consciously allow the Holy Spirit to speak to you, your awareness of our presence is more keen, and you feel more connected. But you are no more connected to Me then than when you are full tilt off the rails engaged in some weak human behavior that pursues the big four (to look good, feel good, be right and be in control).” 

“You are starting to understand that this is not a battle for your soul or for a better JD Vaughn, that battle needs never be fought. I love you unreservedly, and Jesus was my gift of love that does not measure your performance; ever. My closeness to you does not require anything on your part. However, you can take a moment to hear, feel and touch Me with your mind’s eye, and know I am God and I love you beyond your wildest comprehension. Now live out of that.”

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Richard Rohr

True Self and False Self: Week 2

Freedom to Be Our True Self
Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Guest writer and CAC faculty member James Finley continues exploring insights on the true self and false self that he gleaned from Thomas Merton.

Merton quotes Meister Eckhart as saying, “For God to be is to give being, and for man to be is to receive being.” [1] Our true self is a received self. At each moment, we exist to the extent we receive existence from God who is existence.

Our deepest freedom rests not in our freedom to do what we want to do but rather in our freedom to become who God wills us to be. This person, this ultimate self God wills us to be, is not a predetermined, static mold to which we must conform. Rather, it is an infinite possibility of growth. It is our true self; that is, a secret self hidden in and one with the divine freedom. In obeying God, in turning to do God’s will, God wills us to be free. God created us for freedom; that is to say, God created us for God’s self.

Phrased differently, we can say that God cannot hear the prayer of someone who does not exist. The self constructed of ideologies and social principles, the self that defines itself and proclaims its own worthiness is most unworthy of the claim to reality before God. Our freedom from the prison of our own illusions comes in realizing that in the end everything is a gift. Above all, we ourselves are gifts that we must first accept before we can become who we are by returning who we are to the Father. This is accomplished in a daily death to self, in a compassionate reaching out to those in need, and in a detached desire for the silent, ineffable surrender of contemplative prayer. It is accomplished in making Jesus’ prayer our own: “Father, . . . not my will but yours be done” (Luke 22:42).

We must break free from the lie that we are separate from God and the misguided desire to lay hold of God as a possession. In Merton’s words:

Only when we are able to “let go” of everything within us, all desire to see, to know, to taste and to experience the presence of God, do we truly become able to experience that presence with the overwhelming conviction and reality that revolutionize our entire inner life. [2]

This letting-go in the moral order is the living out of the Beatitudes. In the order of prayer, it is in-depth kenosis, an emptying out of the contents of awareness so that one becomes oneself an empty vessel, a broken vessel, a void that lies open before God and finds itself filled with God’s own life. This gift of God is revealed to be the ground and root of our very existence. It is our own true self.

Gateway to Silence:
I am one with God.