In the beginning, in our original unwoundedness (“innocence”), we lived in an unconscious state of full connection with the divine, like Adam and Eve walking naked in the garden with God. But it didn’t take long for us to think of ourselves as separate, and from that position outside the garden, we grabbed for an autonomous identity. This is the “false self.” Many people live most of their lives under this delusion, and confuse this concocted persona as the real deal.
How do I get back to union and innocence? Objectively I have never left the state of union, but it feels like I have. We already and always have the divine image (imago Dei) within us; but we hopefully grow into the divine likeness (similitude) as we begin to externally resemble the goodness of God. It usually takes us a long time to rediscover what has been true all along as we gradually find our unique way of embodying Love. Finding God and finding our True Self—which is letting go of our false self—are finally the same thing.
It’s not about being privately correct; it’s about being fully connected. It’s not about fulfilling requirements; it’s about a trusting relationship. It’s not so much about what we do; it’s about what God does. God and life itself eventually destabilize the boundaries of the small self so we can awaken inside of the Large Self. This usually happens through experiences of great love, suffering, or the forms of prayer that allow the private ego to collapse back into the True Self, where we gratefully shout with Jacob, “You were here all the time, and I never knew it!” (Genesis 28:16).
Our life is a dance between the loneliness and desperation of the false self and the fullness of the True Self, which is re-discovered and experienced anew as an ultimate homecoming. The spiritual journey is a path of deeper realization and transformation; it is never a straight line, but a back and forth journey that ever deepens the conscious choice and assent to God’s work in us. It is growing up, yes, but even more it is waking up. You can see why it will take us a year to even touch on this immense mystery.
Gateway to Presence:
If you want to go deeper with today’s meditation, take note of what word or phrase stands out to you. Come back to that word or phrase throughout the day, being present to its impact and invitation.
Why Can I Not Follow You Now?
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By Oswald Chambers
Peter said to Him, “Lord, why can I not follow You now?” —John 13:37
There are times when you can’t understand why you cannot do what you want to do. When God brings a time of waiting, and appears to be unresponsive, don’t fill it with busyness, just wait. The time of waiting may come to teach you the meaning of sanctification— to be set apart from sin and made holy— or it may come after the process of sanctification has begun to teach you what service means. Never run before God gives you His direction. If you have the slightest doubt, then He is not guiding. Whenever there is doubt— wait.
At first you may see clearly what God’s will is— the severance of a friendship, the breaking off of a business relationship, or something else you feel is distinctly God’s will for you to do. But never act on the impulse of that feeling. If you do, you will cause difficult situations to arise which will take years to untangle. Wait for God’s timing and He will do it without any heartache or disappointment. When it is a question of the providential will of God, wait for God to move.
Peter did not wait for God. He predicted in his own mind where the test would come, and it came where he did not expect it. “I will lay down my life for Your sake.” Peter’s statement was honest but ignorant. “Jesus answered him, ‘…the rooster shall not crow till you have denied Me three times’ ” (John 13:38). This was said with a deeper knowledge of Peter than Peter had of himself. He could not follow Jesus because he did not know himself or his own capabilities well enough. Natural devotion may be enough to attract us to Jesus, to make us feel His irresistible charm, but it will never make us disciples. Natural devotion will deny Jesus, always falling short of what it means to truly follow Him.
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