The voice of doubt, shame, and guilt blaring in our heads is not our voice. It is a voice we have been given by a society steeped in shame. It is the “outside voice.” Our authentic voice, our “inside voice,” is the voice of radical self-love! —Sonya Renee Taylor, The Body Is Not an Apology  

CAC teacher and psychotherapist Jim Finley explores how trauma causes us to internalize shame, which keeps us from living from our true identity in God. 

This “you”—this internalized identity formed in trauma and abandonment—you start taking on as identity. You start taking it on as if it has the power to name who you are, which is the shame-based identity.  

It’s bad enough you had to go through the trauma, but what’s worse is we’re punitive with ourselves and … it creates the secrecy of a shame-based identity. One is afraid that if anyone would really see what I’m really like inside, no one would love me. Do you know why? Because I see what I’m really like and I don’t love me. Do you know why? Because I’ve internalized the fact [for example] that my parents didn’t love me…. 

Every trauma survivor knows the issue isn’t what was done to me. The issue is what everything that was done to me did to me and that I’ve internalized it. It’s just endless, the things that hinder us from becoming the person deep down that we really are and long to be…. In a sense, our real Higher Power is [often not God, but is instead] our shame-based belief that our shortcomings and faults and brokenness have the authority to name who we are. It’s the idolatry of brokenness over the Love that loves us as invincibly precious in our brokenness. This is really the key to this whole thing. It isn’t just that I’m broken; I must also admit that I believe I am what’s wrong with me….  

It’s such a powerful experience to be in the presence of someone who sees our brokenness—maybe because they live with us and it’s obvious, or it’s a therapist, or a friend, or at a recovery meeting—and who sees through the brokenness to the invincible preciousness of our self in the midst of our brokenness. When we risk sharing what hurts the most in the presence of someone who will not invade us or abandon us, we can come upon within ourselves the pearl of great price, the invincible preciousness of ourselves in the midst of our brokenness.  

Finley describes the healing impact that such an accepting presence can have for us:  

Through a person’s unconditional positive regard for us, we can start to find our footing in an unconditional positive regard for ourselves. And that unconditional positive regard for ourselves is joining God in seeing who God knows us to be before the origins of the universe as invincibly precious, indestructible in God’s eyes.  

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Sarah Young

Jesus, my Hope, Whenever I’m tempted to indulge in self-pity or escape into unreality, trusting You wholeheartedly is my only hope. In the midst of adversity, I find it hard to think clearly and make wise choices. Sometimes it seems as if a dizzying array of choices is swirling around me—waiting for me to grab on to the right one. But I know there is one choice that’s always appropriate and effective: the decision to trust You with all my heart and mind. If I find myself sliding down into discouragement or self-pity, I can put on the brakes by declaring my trust in You—whispering, speaking, even shouting it! As I think about the many reasons I have for being confident in You, I rejoice in Your unfailing Love. When I’m feeling tempted to numb my pain by escaping into unreality, help me instead to come close to You—expressing my confidence in You. This brings me into contact with ultimate Reality! I love confiding in You because You know everything about me and my circumstances. O Lord, You are infinitely wise and understanding. In Your encouraging Name, Amen

PROVERBS 3:5 AMPC; Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding.

PSALM 52:8; But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; I trust in the loving devotion of God forever and ever.

ROMANS 11:33; Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and[ a] knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths …

Young, Sarah. Jesus Listens (p. 139). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition.

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