Howard Thurman (1899–1981) reflected that contemplation helped him distinguish between pity and compassion.
God is making room in my heart for compassion.
There is already a vast abundance of room for pity … [including] self-pity, that sticky substance that ruins everything it touches…. There is pity in me—pity for others. But there is something in it that cannot be trusted; it is mixed with pride, arrogance, cunning. I see this only when I expose myself to the eyes of God in the quiet time. It is now that I see what my pity really is and the sources from which it springs.
God is making room in my heart for compassion: the awareness that where my life begins is where your life begins; the awareness that … your needs cannot be separated from … my needs; the awareness that the joys of my heart are never mine alone—nor are my sorrows. I struggle against the work of God in my heart; I want to be let alone. I want my boundaries to remain fixed, that I may be at rest. But even now, as I turn to [God] in the quietness, [God’s] work in me is ever the same.
God is at work enlarging the boundaries of my heart. [1]
During a prison visit, public theologian Nadia Bolz-Weber rejects the temptation to view others with pity instead of compassion.
I look those two young men in the eyes and think, I will not pity you. But I will, in this moment, see even just a fraction of your pain, and acknowledge how it is like mine and very much not like mine.
In my mind, pity isn’t even analogous to compassion. Pity is just the paternalistic cousin of contempt. It allows us to see others as “those less fortunate than ourselves” (a term I loathe). Pity keeps the other person at a distance and me in a rarified state of satisfaction.… Compassion, on the other hand, draws us close.
So no, I do not pity the men I met…. Like me and like you, they are complex human beings. They have experienced love I do not know about and have really great stories I will never hear…. So to “feel sorry” for them based solely on what little I now know of their stories is reductive….
This world will break your heart. There’s enough sorrow to go around and for everyone to have seconds.
But this world has a thousand forms of medicine too.
I’ve yet to find healing in:
Self-pity, isolation, pretending I am not hurting, comparison, hardening myself, standing in judgment (although it sure feels good).
But I have found it in:
Eye contact with another person who is in a tender place, the rare moments I stop filling in the blank about another person, compassion toward myself and others, remaining open hearted in moments I want to shut down, … using my pain to see it in others rather than only in myself. [2]
_____________________________________________________________________
Sarah Young; Jesus Calling
I am involved in each moment of your life. I have carefully mapped out every inch of your journey through this day, even though much of it may feel haphazard. Because the world is in a fallen condition, things always seem to be unraveling around the edges. Expect to find trouble in this day. At the same time, trust that My way is perfect, even in the midst of such messy imperfection.
Stay conscious of Me as you go through this day, remembering that I never leave your side. Let the Holy Spirit guide you step by step, protecting you from unnecessary trials and equipping you to get through whatever must be endured. As you trudge through the sludge of this fallen world, keep your mind in heavenly places with Me. Thus the Light of My Presence shines on you, giving you Peace and Joy that circumstances cannot touch.
RELATED BIBLE VERSES:
Psalm 18:30 (NLT)
30 God’s way is perfect.
All the Lord’s promises prove true.
He is a shield for all who look to him for protection.
Additional insight regarding Psalm 18:30: Some people think that belief in God is a crutch for weak people who cannot make it on their own. God is indeed a shield to protect us when we are too weak to face certain trials by ourselves, but he does not want us to remain weak. He strengthens, protects, and guides us in order to send us back into an evil world to fight for him. Then he continues to work with us because the strongest person on earth is infinitely weaker than God and needs his help. David was not a coward; he was a mighty warrior who, even with all his armies and weapons, knew that only God could ultimately protect and save him.
Isaiah 41:13 (NLT)
13 For I hold you by your right hand—
I, the Lord your God.
And I say to you,
‘Don’t be afraid. I am here to help you.’
