Richard Rohr honors the divine dimension of embodied love:
Authentic love is about giving a bit of myself to another—and, in this surrender, something new is created. The flow of love is a divine experience mirroring the relationship within the Trinity. It is possible to connect our varied experiences of embodiment—through gender, sexuality, and physicality—with the very life of God flowing through us. We are co-creators with God, not just passive observers, in a world that is continually evolving and unfolding.
In the midst of authentic lovemaking (physical and/or emotional), we realize there is a third element that is beyond us or our beloved. In the Trinitarian view, we call this third energy the Holy Spirit. Unconditional, unselfish love takes place when I love and care for the other for their own sake. I seek their pleasure more than my own, even to the point of suffering for their good. Such love brings us beyond separation to a place where we are one even if we are far apart physically or in time.
I’ve witnessed this eternal, unbreakable intimacy in people whose partner has passed away. More than one bereaved spouse has said to me, “He’s actually more real, more present to me now than when his body was alive.” This means they fully experienced the “bridal chamber” or the divine espousals, to use Teresa of Ávila’s mystical language. [1] We are part of the divine lovemaking in which we are both making love and being made love to in the same action (See Song of Songs 1). This is experienced as an energy and life that is larger than our own. We are merely along for the ride!
Of course, the greater the light there is in something, the greater the shadow it casts. Sexuality and false intimacy also have the power to destroy and wound. No wonder there are so many taboos around sexuality. It has been said, “Where nothing is forbidden, nothing is required.” There’s something so significant required of the soul to make and to commit to love that I’m not surprised so many cultures and religions have created so many moralistic guidelines—even if a lot of them were not very helpful or healing. Impulse control is certainly a valuable skill for an adolescent to learn, but too often the church’s teaching just led to shame or pre-emptive repression rather than healthy sexuality. (This is not to say that all free expression is wonderful, moral, or even helpful!)
What is so important and essential here? I believe it’s simply this: We are each a sacred image of the Divine. We are co-creators with God, so we must respect our own embodiment, and the sacred embodiment of the other. Let Paul speak his truth here: “Do you not know that you are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you?… The temple of God, which you are, is holy” (1 Corinthians 3:16–17).
Allowing Ourselves to Unfold
Author and filmmaker Cassidy Hall describes coming to embrace her queerness as a path to intimacy with her true self.
Queerness formed a kind of centerpoint for my ever-evolving true self. Queerness is a place of my own unlimited becoming, and its innate connection to the Divine, nature, and my fellow humans.…
Everyone carries their own true self in their own way, in their own words, and in their own time. And that is also beautifully queer. My true self is the queer way I rest my ear to the chest of a tree, listening for its heartbeat. My true self is the part of me that shows up at the Indiana statehouse when anti-trans bills are brought to the table, knowing the privilege of my own position as a cis queer white woman and the roles I am called to in communal care. My true self is the part of me that keeps asking questions, stays curious about my own blossoming, and holds myself—and the world—with open hands…. As we unclench our fists, shedding internalized norms and expectations, we step toward everything alive, toward everything wild, toward the truth of who we are.
Hall describes the healing that took place as she learned to accept her body and identity:
As the years passed, I began stripping away my beliefs about myself from these broken expectations and witnessed a significant change. My body, my existence, my identity began to feel more magical, alive, and queer. I continued to release ideas of myself related to society’s expectations, and I began caring far more about what feels like me—what resonates and reverberates with the ground of my being, what rhythms are in sync with my body…. I frequently hiked in silence, which helped me love my body’s capacity for endurance and appreciate my mystical and often sensual relationship with nature. Going to the nearby Temescal Canyon, I’d quietly climb to the ocean overlook to feel the elements around and within me. I was refilled with my natural rhythms, recognizing the gift of my body and embracing the erotic energy I carry.
It was on that same trail where I experienced an intimate entanglement with my true self and an interconnectivity to everything alive. As I hiked toward the peak one morning, I unknowingly grabbed my own hand, holding it ever so tenderly. As I realized the affection and love of the moment, I stopped, closed my eyes, and began to weep. While embracing this moment of love between myself, my body, and the beauty surrounding me, I gathered myself and kept walking. I continued holding my own hand, embracing the moment of deep connection between my true self and the world around me. The true self exists in the vessel of our body. And to be in touch with our true self is to be in touch with the erotic, to be in touch with everything alive.
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Skye Jethani
At the start of the Covid-19 quarantine, it was difficult to keep our household functioning smoothly. Without the usual school and work schedules, order quickly broke down. Teenagers were sleeping past noon, unfolded laundry piled up, and regular chores were neglected. Even the dog seemed confused by the situation. Finally, some order was reestablished when a “Quarantine Routine” was posted in the kitchen outlining the minimum expectations for every family member every day. Admittedly, the bar was not set very high but at least we set one, and the kids proceeded to do the least amount of work necessary to clear it.
Some religious people approach faith the same way. They view it as a bar to clear. They think of religion the same way they view taxes—all they want to know is the minimum amount required of them, what loopholes apply, and how to avoid closer scrutiny. Their goal is to do, give, or pray just enough to appease God’s expectations but not an ounce more. Many who questioned Jesus carried this minimum-standard mindset, including Peter.
“Lord, if my brother sins against me, how many times should I forgive him? As many as seven times?” he asked. To be fair to Peter, there was a popular rabbinical teaching at the time that forgiveness was required three times. Peter must have known that Jesus often called for mercy that far exceeded that of his culture, so Peter more than doubles the forgiveness quota to seven times in his question. Whether three or seven, however, Peter was still looking for the lowest number necessary to clear God’s forgiveness bar.
Jesus’ response must have shocked Peter and everyone else. “Not seven times, but seventy times seven” (Matthew 18:22). Reading Jesus literally would mean forgiving 490 times, but that would miss his point. The number is meant to communicate that forgiveness is to be limitless. Jesus was setting the bar infinitely higher than anyone could have expected. With his answer, the disciples would have heard an echo of Genesis 4 where Cain’s revenge was said to be sevenfold and Lamech’s revenge was seventy-sevenfold. Instead of multiplying vengeance, however, Jesus was calling his disciples to multiply their mercy.
Beyond a jaw-dropping call to unlimited forgiveness, Jesus’ answer was also a rebuke of our search for God’s minimum requirements. Our focus should not be the least we must do to obey a law, but rather how far we will go to emulate God’s love. Be careful of religious people wanting to know the least amount of love required of them. They are still more focused on passing a test rather than possessing Christ.
DAILY SCRIPTURE
MATTHEW 18:21-22
LUKE 17:1-4
EPHESIANS 4:29-32
WEEKLY PRAYER
From Reinhold Niebuhr (1892 – 1971)
Lord, we pray this day mindful of the sorry confusion of our world. Look with mercy upon this generation of your children so steeped in misery of their own contriving, so far strayed from your ways and so blinded by passions. We pray for the victims of tyranny, that they may resist oppression with courage. We pray for wicked and cruel men, whose arrogance reveals to us what the sin of our own hearts is like when it has conceived and brought forth its final fruit.
We pray for ourselves who live in peace and quietness, that we may not regard our good fortune as proof of our virtue, or rest content to have our ease at the price of other men’s sorrow and tribulation.
We pray for all who have some vision of your will, despite the confusions and betrayals of human sin, that they may humbly and resolutely plan for and fashion the foundations of a just peace between men, even while they seek to preserve what is fair and just among us against the threat of malignant powers.
Amen.
