Choosing to Face Our Pain
Psychotherapist Resmaa Menakem connects our individual healing from trauma with our communal healing from racism and other social ills. He describes “clean pain” as that which is faced and transformed instead of denied:
Healing trauma involves recognizing, accepting, and moving through pain—clean pain. It often means facing what you don’t want to face—what you have been reflexively avoiding or fleeing. By walking into that pain, experiencing it fully, and moving through it, you metabolize it and put an end to it. In the process, you also grow, create more room in your nervous system for flow and coherence, and build your capacity for further growth.
Clean pain is about choosing integrity over fear. It is about letting go of what is familiar but harmful, finding the best parts of yourself, and making a leap—with no guarantee of safety or praise. This healing does not happen in your head. It happens in your body. And it is more likely to happen in a body that can stay settled in the midst of conflict and uncertainty.
When you come out the other side of this process, you will experience more than just relief. Your body will feel more settled and present. There will be a little more freedom in it and more room to move. You will experience a sense of flow. You will also have grown up a notch. What will your situation look like when you come out the other side? You don’t know. You can’t know. That’s how the process works. You have to stand in your integrity, accept the discomfort, and move forward into the unknown. [1]
Richard Rohr considers the effects of trauma in individuals and social systems:
When people at work, in our families, in politics, or in the church seem to be completely irrational, counterproductive, paranoid, or vengeful, there’s a good chance they’re acting out of some form of the survival mode, which can be triggered in many ways. Persons with trauma deserve deep understanding (which is hard to come by), sympathy (which is difficult if we have never been there ourselves), patience (because it’s not rationally controllable), healing (not judgment), and, frankly, years of love from at least one person or animal over time.
Could this be what mythology means by the “sacred wound” and the church meant by “original sin”—not something we did, but the effects of something done to us? I believe it is. It’s no wonder Jesus teaches so much about forgiveness, and practices so much healing touch and talk. [2]
Menakem emphasizes the possibilities for liberation created by the settling of our bodies:
We need to join in that collective action with settled bodies—and with psyches that are willing to metabolize clean pain. I can’t stress this enough. Bringing a settled body to any situation encourages the bodies around you to settle as well. Bringing an unsettled body to that same situation encourages other bodies to become anxious, nervous, or angry.
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| God the Party Planner |
 While Jesus was dining at the home of a Pharisee, another guest said to him, “Blessed is everyone who will eat bread in the kingdom of God!” A banquet or feast was a common image in ancient Israel to describe eternal life and the age to come. In the language of popular evangelicalism, the guest was saying, “Blessed is everyone who is saved!”Jesus responded to this declaration in a strange manner. He did not deny the blessedness of those who will share in God’s banquet, but instead told a parable to challenge popular assumptions about who will be at the table. In other words, Jesus and his religious dinner guests had very different ideas about who was “saved” and who would enter God’s kingdom. To understand Jesus’ story we must know something about banquets in his culture.Because honor and shame were utmost in ancient Israel, celebrations in a village were very carefully scheduled to avoid conflicts. If a host held a banquet at the same time as another household it would bring shame upon his neighbor as well as himself. Practically, the poorly scheduled feast may reduce the number of people able to attend, again resulting in shame for the host.For these reasons, it was common for a host to send two invitations. The first invitation announced the banquet, ensured there were no competing events on the village calendar, and requested RSVPs from all of the guests. With the date and guests determined, the host then began the preparations for the elaborate feast which could take weeks. A second invitation was then sent when the banquet was ready to tell the guests to come and dine. The emphasis of Jesus’ parable is upon God’s intentionality. Comparing the arrival of his kingdom to a banquet means the Lord, like a good host, has put thought, time, and care into ensuring the arrival of his kingdom would not be a surprise and that his people would be ready to receive it. His posture is not one of exclusion but inclusion; his goal is not to keep as many people out as possible but to ensure everyone has the opportunity to join the party. That is the point of all the careful preparations.Have you ever considered that God has been preparing for you to be with him? He is not indifferent about your presence at his table but greatly desires to welcome and serve you. God is intentional about his relationship with you. You are not an afterthought, not a distraction, and never an interruption. This raises an important question—are you intentional about your relationship with him? As we continue to look at Jesus’ parable about the banquet, we’ll discover how God responds to those who disregard his gracious hospitality. DAILY SCRIPTURE LUKE 14:15-24 MARK 1:1-5 REVELATION 19:6-9 WEEKLY PRAYER. From Norwich Cathedral, England O God, whose Son Jesus Christ cared for the welfare of everyone and went about doing good; grant us the imagination and perseverance to create in this country and throughout the world a just and loving society for the family of man; and make us agents of your compassion to the suffering, the persecuted and the oppressed, through the Spirit of your Son, who shared the sufferings of men, our pattern and our redeemer, Jesus Christ. Amen. |
