The point appears to be not just to stay the same your whole life but to grow, to really grow and open, grow in seeing, grow in awareness.
—Paula D’Arcy
Retreat leader Paula D’Arcy recounts how she was transformed by the deep grief of losing her husband and daughter to a drunk driver:
My call to this work came slowly because it didn’t come out of the light, it came out of an experience of darkness. During that period of time, I had an overwhelming sense that everything I had ever believed was too small—not necessarily wrong but needing to grow or expand. One of the things I confronted was my idea that the proof of a loving God was when things in your life were favorable. But in the face of my loss and all that had happened, something in me could not deny that God was nevertheless loving and with me. A considerable shift in my awareness was beginning to take place.
I also had a growing sense that the darkness I felt was not a darkness without hope. The dark was luminous. It wasn’t something I could name at the time, I simply felt it to be from a realm greater than my human experience, and that it wanted to help me if I would turn toward it.
I guess I would call it a force of love, and when I encountered it, my aliveness was heightened, right in the midst of the grief. All the things I used to worry about and focus on no longer mattered. As I focused on this love, my perspective grew. I understood for the first time that I wasn’t controlling anything. Life was happening on its own, and my eyes began to open to the whole world and all its suffering. I was hardly the first person to lose a husband or a child, but in my former comfortable life, before it happened to me, I hadn’t given this a lot of thought. But now that suffering was a lived experience, I realized there was so much I needed to change about how I understood life. I had to move beyond my old conclusions.
The way I prayed changed during this time. Prior to my loss, my prayers had been petitions for things I hoped to have or intercessions for others. Now my one prayer was, “Show me. Show me,” or, “Teach me how to see.” A guidance from within began transforming me through that prayer. I felt a sincere desire to help others realize what I had begun to realize—that in the times for which there are no easy answers and when your suffering is great, something from within is able to help you, and wants to help you. It called me forward, and once I gave it my full attention, even though my circumstances were unchanged, I was changing. As my heart continued to open, I saw everything through new eyes.
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5 For Friday John Chaffee
1.
“The monk is separated from all things, and united with all things.”
- Evagrios the Solitary, 4th Century Desert Monk
Binary oppositional thinking is something that religious thinking tends to subvert.
For instance, you might expect a spiritual master such as Evagrios to say that a Christ follower is separated from all things OR united from all things. They are to be unique/set apart/distant from/detached from all things OR they are to be united/one with/in solidarity with/attached to all things.
But to hold the two truths next to each other in a way that is not exclusive? That is paradoxical and exceeds what logic can allow.
Even still, I have been mulling over this quote. There seems to be so much packed into this one, single sentence.
2.
“You will know your vocation by the joy it brings you.”
- Dorothy Day, Founder of Catholic Worker
I don’t know if I am living into my vocation yet, but I admit there are parts of my life that bring me quite a bit of joy and purpose.
Perhaps then the task is to chase after the joy (which is not the same thing as happiness).
3.
“Sometimes the Bible in the hand of one man is worse than a whisky bottle in the hand of (another)… There are just some kind of men who’re so busy worrying about the next world they’ve never learned to live in this one, and you can look down the street and see the results..”
- To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
To Kill a Mockingbird is something I first read around 8th grade, and this quote leads me to think that it is past time to read it again.
When I hear of Christian folks who do not believe in social justice, or who believe that it is not a high priority for the Christian, I am so very confused. My reading and understanding of the prophetic tradition of the Old Testament is that the Divine is very much concerned with whether or not our social structures and the organizing of our neighborhoods are conducive to human flourishing.
However, for Harper Lee to contrast the alcoholic and the Bible-thumper in such a way that the Bible-thumper seems to do more passive harm to the world by neglecting it is a bold task. Rather, it drives the point that one can be “too heavenly minded they are no earthly good.”
In fact…
Here is a link to a Johnny Cash song called “No Earthly Good.”
4.
“No writing on the solitary, meditative dimensions of life can say anything that has not already been said better by the wind in the pine trees…or the silence and peace that is “heard” when the rain wanders freely among the hills and forests.
But what can the wind say where there is no hearer?”
- Thomas Merton, Trappist Monk
Take a walk in the woods.
They have holy mysteries to share with you if you can be silent among them.
5.
“Losing makes you grow. Who wants to grow with me?”
- Good News First by Listener
Over the past 15 years I have probably seen Listener play live 5-6 times. They are a spoken word/slam poetry over music group. The lead singer, Dan Smith, used to be in a rap group but felt too constrained by rap as a genre. He is one of the best lyricists if you ask me.
This line comes from early on in the song and it reappears several times throughout.
If I remember correctly, this line happened to me somewhere around 2013 when I felt as though I was losing everything around me and I was myself feeling like a bit of a loser. Suffice it to say, it reframed “losing” for me. If losing helps us grow, and growing helps us win, then we can be courageous and hold our chin up as we walk straight into losing/failure knowing that it will help us to grow in the end.
I even love the fact that the line is not, “Who wants to go with me?” That is a clever pun. Do you see what I mean that Dan Smith is a great lyricist?
Who else wants to grow with me?.
