Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
—Step 5 of the Twelve Steps
Richard Rohr names accountability and confession as vital in the healing process:
Early Christians were encouraged to participate in the healing power of communal confession: “So confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another, and this will cure you” (James 5:16). Step 5 of the Twelve Steps says the same thing. Clearly, some notion of peer accountability and personal responsibility for our mistakes and failures is essential to heal or restore actual human relationships.
When we human beings honestly and humbly “admit” to one another “the exact nature of our wrongs,” we invariably have a human and humanizing encounter that deeply enriches both sides, and even changes lives—often forever! It’s no longer an exercise to achieve moral purity or regain God’s love, but in fact a direct encounter with God’s love. It’s not about punishing one side, but liberating both sides. God resists our evil and conquers it with good, or how could God ask the same of us?! God shocks and stuns us into love. Only love effects true, healthy inner transformation. Duress, guilt, shunning, or social pressure cannot do this.
Nothing new happens without apology and forgiveness. These are the divine technologies that regenerate every age and every situation. The “unbound” ones are best prepared to unbind the rest of the world. [1]
Writer and activist adrienne maree brown normalizes making mistakes and working towards accountability instead of “canceling” others:
We will tell each other we hurt people, and who. We will tell each other why, and who hurt us and how. We will tell each other what we will do to heal ourselves, and heal the wounds in our wake. We will be accountable, rigorous in our accountability, all of us unlearning, all of us crawling towards dignity. We will learn to set and hold boundaries, communicate without manipulation, give and receive consent, ask for help, love our shadows without letting them rule our relationships, and remember we are of earth, of miracle, of a whole, of a massive river—love, life, life, love.
We all have work to do. Our work is in the light. We have no perfect moral ground to stand on, shaped as we are by this toxic complex time. We may not have time, or emotional capacity, to walk each path together. We are all flailing in the unknown at the moment, terrified, stretched beyond ourselves, ashamed, realizing the future is in our hands. We must all do our work. Be accountable and go heal, simultaneously, continuously. It’s never too late.
We will not cancel us. If we give up this strategy [of canceling], we will learn together the other strategies that will ultimately help us break these cycles, liberate future generations from the burden of our shared and private pain, leaving nothing unspeakable in our bones, no shame in our dirt.
Each of us is precious. We, together, must break every cycle that makes us forget this. [2]
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5 for Friday John Chaffee
1.
“There are many things that can only be seen through eyes that have cried.”
- Oscar Romero, Bishop of El Salvador and Martyr
Over the years I have slowly learned how to experience sadness within myself. Sadness was an emotion I remember feeling when I was younger but there was a good number of years when I did my best to put them away. I did this not so much because I believed sadness to be wrong, but because on some level I was afraid of how strongly I knew I could feel it. Little did I understand that such repression magnifies those emotions and causes them to “leak” out in uncontrolled ways.
Then, as I have grown and become hopefully a little more integrated, I came to understand the gift that sadness has to offer.
Learning to experience my own emotions has helped me to notice things in the world that previously I failed to see. To never be sad, I ended up blocking out topics, themes, news, people, etc that made me sad. However, learning to experience sadness rather opened my world up and helped me to experience more of it.
So when I came across this quote from Romero, I knew its wisdom on a deep level. Just had to share it with all of you.
2.
“Human beings are not our enemy. Our enemy is not the other person.
Our enemy is the violence, ignorance, and injustice in us and in the other person. When we are armed with compassion and understanding, we fight not against other people, but against the tendency to invade, to dominate, and to exploit.”
- Thich Nhat Hanh, Buddhist Monk
Thich Nhat Hanh is someone I have only read a few books from, but there is so much wisdom that I have gleaned from him that sounds as though it is coming from the same source as contemplative Christianity.
In a world that seeks to shame, blame, exclude, and scapegoat, there simply has to be another way.
For me, the Way of Jesus continues to challenge me and invite me to be better. It tells me that “we battle not against flesh and blood.” It tells me that we all have the propensity to be “possessed” by the diabolical spirits of violence, ignorance, and injustice. The deep wisdom of God comes forth to us through whatever it wants (“the wind goes where it wills”), and I believe that for those who do not find Christianity that compelling these days, to learn from Thich Nhat Hanh, who was good friends with Thomas Merton.
3.
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.”
- Matthew 5:38-41
This past week I confess that I have been indulging in the news cycle. A fair amount of my conscious waking time was consumed with thinking about American politics, the need for spiritual maturity and sober thinking, and what (if anything) I have to offer to that situation.
The only thing that came to mind was that I have probably heard the names of Biden and Trump more often than the name of Jesus. On top of that, I probably have heard from more sources what the presidential candidates had to say than what the Nazarene Carpenter has said.
So, here is a quote from the itinerant rabbi, Jesus. I feel as though now is a great time for us to dive into the Sermon on the Mount with some renewed fervor.
4.
“Now the body of Christ, as I often have said, is the whole of humanity.”
- Gregory of Nyssa, Early Church Father
Mystics see things in relational wholes. It is extremists who see things as disconnected parts.
This may seem like an exaggeration, but I believe this is true, the fate of humanity and the world is wrapped up in our ability to see the whole and how we all belong to, with, and for one another.
5.
“Now let us begin. Now let us re-dedicate ourselves to the long and bitter, but beautiful, struggle for a new world.”
- Martin Luther King, Jr., Baptist Pastor and Civil Rights Activist
When the world feels so crazy, it is a human impulse to react and retaliate. However, it is also a human ability to rise above that way of living and respond by recommitting to the virtues we say we uphold.
Hold fast.
Keep to the virtues.
The world may be in a dizzying spin, but I believe it will never truly tire of those who are truly holy.
