Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
—Step 9 of the Twelve Steps
Richard Rohr invites readers to consider the “skillful means” of making amends:
What Western religions sometimes called “wisdom,” the Eastern religions often called “skillful means.” Wisdom was not merely a heady aphorism, but a practical, best, and effective way to get the job done!
We might say Step 9 tells us how to use skillful means both to protect our own humanity and to liberate the humanity of others. Our amends to others should be “direct,” that is, specific, personal, and concrete. Face-to-face encounters, although usually difficult after we have caused harm, work best in the long run, even if the other party rebuffs us at the first attempt. When we open the door from our side, it thus remains open, unless we reclose it by returning to defensiveness, denial, or despair.
Another skillful insight is the cleverly added “except when to do so would injure them or others.” We often need time, discernment, and good advice from others before we know the when, how, who, and where to apologize or make amends. If not done skillfully, an apology can actually make the problem and the hurt worse. Skillful means is not just to make amends, but to make amends in ways that do not “injure” others. Truth is not just factual truth (the great mistake of fundamentalists), but a combination of both text and context, style and intent. [1]
Anglican priest Mpho Tutu van Furth defines reparation as “the action of making amends for a wrong one has done,” and describes it as a dance:
Reparations are their own healing liturgical dance…. The first step would speak the words “I’m sorry” and in so saying open a door for the dance to begin…. A perpetrator who is penitent could listen long to the stories of victims and their descendants and dare to hear the hurt that their actions … have caused. When the story is told and the hurt is named, reparations are the thread offered that might make repair. Ask forgiveness, it will make the repair stronger: remorseful apology and reparation twined with gracious forgiveness, strands of hope woven together to make a better future than the one that the past promised us. Our future is learning together how better to love. We must learn how better to live love and how better to live in love. We must study how better to be love and how to embody love….
Humility speaks: “We are sorry.” This “we are sorry” will not stand on the dais dictating the terms of its own surrender. This “we are sorry” will not try to define for the victims the edges of their experience. This “we are sorry” will not lay upon those wronged the weight of expectation. You are not required to be gracious in response. We hope that you will hear that we are genuinely sorry.
The door is open. The dance begins. [2]
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Sarah Young Jesus Calling
I am the Light of the World. Men crawl through their lives cursing the darkness, but all the while I am shining brightly. I desire each of My followers to be a Light-bearer. The Holy Spirit who lives in you can shine from your face, making Me visible to people around you. Ask My Spirit to live through you, as you wind your way through this day. Hold My hand in joyful trust, for I never leave your side. The Light of My Presence is shining upon you. Brighten up the world by reflecting who I am.
RELATED SCRIPTURE:
John 8:12 (NLT)
Jesus, the Light of the World
12 Jesus spoke to the people once more and said, “I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won’t have to walk in darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life.”
Additional insight regarding John 8:12: Jesus was speaking in the Treasury – the part of the Temple where the offerings were put (John 8:20) and where candles burned to symbolize the pillar of fire that led the people of Israel through the wilderness (Exodus 13:21-22). In this context, Jesus called himself the light of the world. The pillar of fire represented God’s presence, protection, and guidance. Likewise, Jesus brings God’s presence, protection, and guidance. Is Jesus the light of your world?
