As I read this devotional this morning, I wondered, “What can I learn from this devotional about “a strong black woman”? And it occurred to me that while I cannot completely relate to the expectations Dr. Walker-Barnes writes about, I can relate to trying to live out others’ expectations of me. The expectation that I would always have answers for my children, would always be available to “fill in the financial gaps for my family” and others, and be the resident expert on all things “masculine” and or “spiritual” in my nuclear family. It occurred to me that I have carried the pressure of trying to live up to others’ expectations; expectations that I never really agreed to “own”. Perhaps they often owned me. JDV
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Theologian Dr. Chanequa Walker-Barnes describes the pressure placed on Black women to be strong, available to others, and without needs of their own. She refers to this cultural expectation as an archetype of “StrongBlackWoman”:
I learned to be a StrongBlackWoman early in life. I am the eldest child of a single mother, with a brother eight years my junior. With my mother working long, hard hours to support us (often twelve-hour stints on the third shift), I had to step in to help take care of the family…. By fourteen, my afterschool routine consisted of taking the city bus to pick up my brother from daycare, helping him with his homework (and doing my own), supervising while he played outside, cooking dinner, cleaning the kitchen, and getting him bathed and in bed….
Over the years my caretaking tendencies expanded to include everyone around me—family, friends, co-workers. It was a natural (and expected) progression. I was constantly concerned with the needs of others, always trying to be helpful…. Over-extending myself became my modus operandi. I was living in a state of serious self-care neglect. Of course, I did not call it neglect. I called it being responsible. In fact, I prided myself on being the most responsible person I knew. And my high sense of responsibility was rewarded often by others who were pleased with me and the things that I did for them….
In my worldview, overactivity was normative. It was what Black women did. Black women, after all, were strong. Proving myself capable of taking care of everything and everyone in my sphere of existence was, I thought, a rite of passage into full Black womanhood.
Walker-Barnes imagines sharing her “addiction” to overextension and strength in a recovery group:
If this were a twelve-step meeting for StrongBlackWomen, I would begin by saying, “Hi, my name is Chanequa and I’m a StrongBlackWoman. I have been in recovery for over a decade now. But at most, I’ve probably only accrued a few weeks of being clean at once. I relapse constantly, maybe even daily. I don’t know if I’ll ever break free of this thing. But I’m here. And just for today, I will make at least one decision in favor of my physical, spiritual, emotional, and relational health. Just for today, I will try to let go of my need for control, to become aware of when I need help, and to ask for help when I need it. Just for today, I give myself permission to cry when I’m sad, to scream when I’m frustrated, to smile and laugh when I’m happy, and to dance like I’ve got wings when the Spirit moves me. Just for today, I will reject the mandate to be a StrongBlackWoman. Just for today, I will simply be.”
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Sara Young; Jesus Calling: January 23
It’s all right to be human. When your mind wanders while you are praying, don’t be surprised or upset. Simply return your attention to Me. Share a secret smile with Me, knowing that I understand. Rejoice in My Love for you, which has no limits or conditions. Whisper My Name in loving contentment, assured that I will never leave you or forsake you. Intersperse these peaceful interludes abundantly throughout your day. This practice will enable you to attain a quiet and gentle spirit, which is pleasing to Me.
As you live in close contact with Me, the Light of My Presence filters through you to bless others. Your weakness and woundedness are the openings through which the Light of the knowledge of My Glory shines forth. My strength and power show themselves most effective in your weakness.
RELATED SCRIPTURE:
Deuteronomy 31:6 NLT
6 So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.”
1st Peter 3:4 NLT
4 You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.
2nd Corinthians 4:6-7 NLT
6 For God, who said, “Let there be light in the darkness,” has made this light shine in our hearts so we could know the glory of God that is seen in the face of Jesus Christ.
7 We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.
2nd Corinthians 12:9 NLT
9 Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.
Additional insight regarding 2nd Corinthians 12:9: Although God did not remove Paul’s affliction, he promised to demonstrate his power in Paul. The fact that God’s power is displayed in our weaknesses should give us courage and hope. As we recognize our limitations, we will depend more on God for our effectiveness rather than on our own energy, effort, or talent. Our limitations not only help develop Christian character but also deepen our worship, because in admitting them, we affirm God’s strength.
