Overcoming a Fear of the Other
Friday, November 21, 2025
The more we bump into the folks who are so-called “other,” the more we are stretched and the more we are pulled out of bias. We have new truths, because we have tangible evidence of the beautiful, powerful creativity of our God who made all of this diversity for us to enjoy.
—Jacqui Lewis, Learning How to See
Brian McLaren writes that Jesus’ model of acceptance, inclusion, and love for “the other” can help us overcome and heal our biases, particularly “contact bias.”
When I don’t have intense and sustained personal contact with “the other,” my prejudices and false assumptions go unchallenged. Think of the child who is told by people he trusts that people of another race, religion, culture, sexual orientation, or class are dirty and dangerous.
You can immediately see the self-reinforcing cycle: those people are dirty or dangerous, so I will distrust and avoid them, which means I will never have sustained and respectful interactive contact with them, which means I will never discover that they are actually wonderful people to be around.
In this way, the prejudice cycle spins on, unchallenged across generations. As prejudice persists, it becomes embedded in cultures and institutions, creating systems of racism and hatred, marginalizing groups who are stigmatized, dehumanized, scapegoated, exploited, oppressed, or even killed. [1]
I especially love the way Jesus challenges contact bias. Jesus reached out to the other at the table and put the other in the spotlight by giving the other a voice. On page after page of the Gospels, Jesus doesn’t dominate the other, or avoid the other…. Instead, he incarnates into the other, joins the other in solidarity, protects the other, listens to the other, serves the other, and even lays down his life for the other…. In each case, he moves victims of scapegoating and exclusion from the margins to center stage so their voices are heard. [2]
Rev. Dr. Jacqui Lewis leads what she describes as a “multi-everything” congregation in New York City. She views inclusion as central to the gospel call to love:
The one we follow into mission and ministry—Jesus the Christ—was an avowed boundary crosser, a reformer of the religious and secular culture of his time. We are in good company when we lead the way on radical inclusion of those different from ourselves. In some contexts that might mean a black church reaching out to Korean neighbors, a Latino congregation starting a ministry to immigrant families from North Africa, or a Chinese church hosting an afterschool program for African American junior high students…. We believe the commitment to inclusion and diversity is a high calling, issued to all who count themselves as Christians, no matter what our ethnicity or culture. [3]
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John Chaffee 5 On Friday
For a while now, I have been fascinated by church doors as symbols of hope and safety. Here is one I came across in the past two weeks.)
John Chaffee
1.
“If you label me, you negate me.”
– Soren Kierkegaard, Danish Philosopher
The human person is far too complex to summarize under any title. To be labeled anything is a broad stroke that eliminates the nuances, feelings, stances, and paradoxes of what it means to be human.
Let’s take a moment and think about all the standard titles we use today…
Republican
Democrat
Libertarian
Believer
Atheist
Agnostic
Scientist
Professor
Park Ranger
Father
Mother
Child
Homeless
Rich
Poor
The list can go on and on.
At best, our labels only name one dimension of what it means to be who we are.
It is for this reason that names are better than labels.
2.
“Christ was never in a hurry.”
– Mary Slessor, Missionary to Nigeria
This one is quite a punch.
I admit to often thinking about the next thing while in the present. I am also prone to focusing on the next week or month at the expense of the now.
Modernity tells us that efficiency is one of the highest goals: to get things done as quickly as possible at a quality that is either “good enough” or “perfect.”
All of this contributes to a culture that hyperfocus’s on hurry.
But Christ was never in a hurry.
According to our records, Jesus walked almost everywhere.
So, at best, God was content to go 2.5 miles per hour.
Also, if the universe is 13.8 billion years old, that means God took God’s time to get to us.
Yep.
This God is not in a hurry.
3.
“Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone—we find it with [one] another. We do not discover the secret of our lives merely by study and calculation in our own safe and isolated meditations. The meaning of life has to be revealed to us in love, by the one we love.“
– Thomas Merton, Trappist Monk
As a head-oriented person, love has been too much of a theory.
That is not to say that I was not loved, but that over time, my head got the better of my heart. Frankly, my life experiences encouraged me to distrust love while at the same time wanting it on my terms.
Love is dangerous. It requires a vulnerability that exposes our weaknesses and insecurities.
Theories are never dangerous. They require nothing of us than to play with them in our imaginations.
So when I came across this quote from Merton in No Man is an Island, I had to accept that I was too independent and isolated. No one is made whole or human by standing at a safe distance from love. Myself included.
Love is our true destiny, our true identity, and it makes us whole again.
4.
“Justice is what love looks like in public.”
– Dr. Cornel West, American Theologian
I reject the notion that faith should not be political. I do, however, reject the idea that it should be bipartisan.
If God cared that humanity created a healthy household and economy (oikonomia), we likely should pay more attention to making certain justice happens in the public arena as well.
5.
“Good souls many will one day be horrified at the things they now believe of God.”
– George MacDonald, Scottish Preacher
This past week, I met with a couple in spiritual direction.
It was a lovely time, and I consider doing those sessions a privilege.
One of the things we said is that we are relatively okay with people converting to Christianity. However, we are not OK with people having “micro-conversions” within Christianity. We don’t always validate it when people “fine-tune” their understanding of faith or change a stance within the faith.
The Apostles Creed is an important document or statement of faith, not only because it is one of the earliest formulations of the faith, but also because of its brevity. There is a lot left out.
This leads me to think that there are a whole number of stances, positions, or opinions that are up for debate.
And so, thank goodness, we can constantly improve our understanding of this mystery we call “God” throughout our lives.
