Have I ever come to the point in my life where I can say, “I indeed . . . but He . . .”? Until that moment comes, I will never know what the baptism of the Holy Spirit means. I indeed am at the end, and I cannot do anything more— but He begins right there— He does the things that no one else can ever do. Am I prepared for His coming? Jesus cannot come and do His work in me as long as there is anything blocking the way, whether it is something good or bad. When He comes to me, am I prepared for Him to drag every wrong thing I have ever done into the light? That is exactly where He comes. Wherever I know I am unclean is where He will put His feet and stand, and wherever I think I am clean is where He will remove His feet and walk away.

Repentance does not cause a sense of sin— it causes a sense of inexpressible unworthiness. When I repent, I realize that I am absolutely helpless, and I know that through and through I am not worthy even to carry His sandals. Have I repented like that, or do I have a lingering thought of possibly trying to defend my actions? The reason God cannot come into my life is that I am not at the point of complete repentance.

“He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire.” John is not speaking here of the baptism of the Holy Spirit as an experience, but as a work performed by Jesus Christ. “He will baptize you . . . .” The only experience that those who are baptized with the Holy Spirit are ever conscious of is the experience of sensing their absolute unworthiness.

“I indeed” was this in the past, “but He” came and something miraculous happened. Get to the end of yourself where you can do nothing, but where He does everything.

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August 22, 2011

Journal Entry for Today-JDV

This is dad’s birthday. He would have been 83 today. For me and perhaps for others in my family it is a day for reflection.  It is a day to consider history; how it rolled out for my dad, and how it rolled for me with him. And the Holy Spirit reminds me that all things work for good for those that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose.

And God says…”One of the most difficult lessons is the lesson of surrender; whether a good or bad, positive or negative experience. It can be an ongoing lesson.  You cannot interpret the lesson or result based on bow the outcome impacts you or others. It is up to Me to interpret. To you death is a bad thing, but to My saints waiting on a believer to join us, it is very good. To many, sickness and injury is a very bad thing, but they cannot see the growth and strength that is to come. Try to stay “on the edge” in a mind and in circumstances whereby you must trust God. When you begin to trust your own resources, surrender is most difficult.“